This past Sunday I received a call that I wasn’t expecting to get, at that moment, on that day. On Sunday a special friend of mine passed away. Like most people, I listened to the news, sat in silence and was more stunned and unsure of what I was hearing than I was sad or upset.
* * *
Ashley and I were in the Art Education program at Northern Illinois University. I am sure we can all remember a time when we were new to a school, sitting in a classroom filled with people we did not know well, and were scared to the bone. While at the same time, sitting there trying to bestow an air of confidence, friendliness, and trying to pick out who the weird people in the class were. Then you hear the always-dreaded announcement, “Find a partner, this assignment is going to be a group project!”
Lucky for me Ashley and I were paired up. One of the many cherished memories I hold in comfort about Ashley is our first time working together on a group assignment. I can’t honestly recall the details of the assignment or year we were in school but I do remember her hosting our meeting at her apartment. I recall walking in and thinking, “How cool, this girl has her very own place.” Upon getting comfy and her and I sharing one of our more favored college past times, we relaxed and got down to our assignment. It is a simple memory, but one I will not forget. It hangs in my thoughts as a time when Ashley was happy and healthy and I am so blessed to have this particular memory of this particular girl whom is so special to me.
* * *
Keith and I were just finishing up talking about our finances like a couple of adults when I decided to check my phone for missed calls and texts. Keith standing near me, paused in our conversation, watched my face go from a smile to a long, unsure face, to what I imagine was more glazed-over and stiff. “…Ashley passed away this afternoon.” That is all I can remember in detail about the voicemail, and something that still rings in my head. I was certainly not happy, I was definitely surprised, but I did not honestly know how to react hearing such news in that moment.
We all handle this kind of news differently. I am no novice when it comes to cancer, and the unfortunate news of someone close to me passing away. This however, does not make it any less difficult. News like this still baffles me. You hear the news, and you react. Some of us may think we know exactly how we will react but in truth, no one ever does. It is different every time.
Even though it has only been a couple days I struggle with how I am to process such news. I knew Ashley’s condition fairly well and knew that this was a situation where her being cured was less than likely. I feared that her time was getting limited and that I would one day receive the news I received on Sunday. I did not however, imagine it would be on that Sunday, at that moment, while I was in that mood. What I realized though is that it is not how we handle the news, as it is, above all, how we celebrate a life.
These times of mourning are not about us. These times stress, confuse and misdirect our thoughts, but can be handled well with the help of our most cherished memories. We all know the saying, “Count your blessings, not your troubles.” In short, that is what we can do now. Relive the times we had with her. The times we can laugh at and smile about.
Since we all handle death differently I am not saying not to cry or be sad. Mourning and sadness are healthy things. I am however encouraging that we mourn at our own pace, but be sure to leave room in our hearts for the invitation of those cherished memories we all have of our dear friend Ashley.
She lived life well. She was surely taken sooner than we all would have liked but now she is with our Lord, in a place of comfort and ease. No longer will she be in pain, or have to live each day compromising to her condition. Instead she will forever be with The One who knows her the best. If we want a glimpse of where she is, and how happy we can be knowing that she is in good hands, just take a moment to revisit a time you shared with Ashley. Whether you can remember vividly or not, I can say for certain there are plenty of memories that we can cherish, memories that we can celebrate and find comfort in.
“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time [are] not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
